Here is Emily’s response to the prompt:
“Can you live a fulfilling life without being “in love”? What does that even mean? And is love something we have any control over?”
I am writing this while my cat Yennefer is lying sleepily next to me in bed. Her eyes squint at me as she purrs under my touch. For those of you who know cats, this is perhaps one of their ways of showing they love you (well, at least as far as feline affection goes.) This tiny being, so trusting of this human who is much larger and heavier than her, and without whose care she wouldn’t thrive. I have always had a special connection with animals. As a child I would always tell people I preferred animals to humans. I guess they have that unconditional love and that trust in you that is easily earned and does not easily fade after an argument or in the passing of time. I was often told that I will never know love until I have a child, but me, adamant and stubborn as ever, never wanted one, and I still don’t. However, luckily nature was also on my side and decided to make my womb an inhospitable landscape so no small human could ever grow there. Lucky for them I suppose. I don’t think I could ever love a small human. They annoy me.
So, on to being in love then. Animals, as we have established, love easily and freely, so why is it so difficult in humans? As a teenager I grasped onto attention as hard as I could. This resulted in some not very healthy (and probably typical teenager) relationships with various people who I felt I loved. Well, loved enough that when the relationships ended they hurt A LOT, and I vowed to never do it again — until not long afterwards I would find someone else, and so the cycle repeated itself.
To me, I struggle to find a meaning beyond what I mean to others (yes, unhealthy I know, and yes, I am in therapy for that) so a life without love is no life at all. It is a dark place for me and not somewhere I want to be alone. Luckily I have people in my life who I love and who love me, so that aloneness is a distant memory of a childhood best forgotten. To answer whether we have control. I think to be in love is the opposite of control. It is almost to give your control to another in the hope they respect it and keep it safe, to give yourself fully and unforgivingly to those people and trust they will do what is best for you. For being in love is to surrender yourself to something bigger than you, a wilderness I am happy to get lost in.
Robert Hiraeth 